Why I Can’t, Won’t and Never Will Vote for Hillary Clinton

So, some folks have asked me why I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Honestly, I don’t have a real policy-related reason for disliking her. Granted, I could try to articulate why it is that she irks me, and I could try to say that she’s condescending, irritating, smarmy. However, that’d be a waste of time. I’m against Hillary Clinton for one simple reason.

I was born in 1984. Of the 23 years that I’ve been alive, the President of the United States has been a Bush or a Clinton for 19 going on 20. If Hilldog were to be elected, that would move the figure up to 24 out of 28 years. A quarter of a century. Something is wrong with that. If you’d like to get really technical about it, there’s been a Bush or a Clinton in the White House every year of my and my friend’s lives. Let’s not forget about Vice President George Herbert Walker Bush!

I’m not even saying a like Barack Obama, but let’s kick the Clintons to the curb and get some people in office who can let people abort their fetuses, give me health insurance and handouts, feed the hungry and blast “Across the Universe” to the North Star.

Interactive News

An interesting article today from CNN.com regarding a teenager who apparently planned to commit suicide by hijacking a commercial airliner and crashing it into a Hannah Montana concert in Louisiana. Normally this sort of thing is what makes FOX News broadcasts pulse red with “Breaking News” and “Fox News Alerts”. I guess everyone can’t be a terrorist, especially when Walt Disney and Louisiana are involved.

Anyway, the best part of this itty-bitty article is at the bottom. Since news websites would like you to use The Internets for quicker access to relevant news items, they usually offer relevant ’subscribable’ topics at the bottom of the page. The ones offered here are sublime:

All About Hannah Montana • Suicide • Air Travel

By the way, for those of you unfamiliar with her, Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) originates from the loins of Billy Ray Cyrus whose mind numbing mega-hit “Achy Breaky Heart” and epic mullet have been making people want kill themselves violently for years…

Trick or Treat?

The Chinese are going absolutely bat-shit! You can’t turn the dial on your radio or click the remote to your Idiot Box these days without hearing about the latest shipment of Chinese made products to be recalled for high lead content. This latest ‘lil trick however really takes the cake, and all you sexually frustrated frat boys out there had better listen up! Apparently, what Wal Mart was recently listing as one of the top toys to consume for the holiday season doubles as a date rape drug.

Behold Aqua Dots! CNN is reporting that whatever these silly, funny colored little beads are made of when ingested metabolizes into a popular date rape drug. Is this a Trick or is this a Treat? First off, this toy looks like Lite Brite meets crochet, and we all know how much children love crocet–almost as much as they love long division. The benefit of this toy might be that the children get to keep their idiotic representations of frogs, ponies, faces and what-not so that mumsie and daddad have something to place on the refrigerator next to their “creative spelling” tests.

But what is it that the Chinese are really trying to push on us here? It’s absolutely a conspiracy, another way for the Chinese to try and poison us with lead and make as ‘amnestic’. In fact, I think this recent wave of Chinese product borders on Chemical Warfare, and that it’s your duty as a citizen of this Great Nation to contact your local congressman, your local First Selectman, your local Sheriff and ask them to add China to the Axis of Evil pantheon! I say to China this: If this is how you want your burgeoning economy to spread its wings, be my guest! Our Denny’s will out poison your people more than your trivial little knick-knacks ever will. Long live American fast-food induced constipation!