Mitt Romney has been TKO’d by everyone’s favorite ex POW John McCain after a disappointing showing on Super Pooper Tuesday. To whom will conservatives across the country turn now in their time of need? Will they turn to Mike “The Preacher Man” Huckabee or will they swallow their pride and rally behind John “The Snake-eater” McCain?
Only time will tell my dear friends! This election seems to have whipped everyone into a tall lather, and I honestly can’t make heads or tails of it. Sure, maybe I’d like to hop on the Barack Obama bandwagon, but how can anyone with even a small drop of self respect support someone who has a campaign video featuring Will I. Am? Doesn’t this video make you want to choke yourself with a bag full of sugar?
If more of these asinine videos are what I can expect from a Barack Obama presidency, then that, my friends, is Change I can do without. The only change that I’m interested in is the type that rattles around in my pockets when I have a lot of money. So, if anyone would like to bribe me into voting for Barack Obama… Well, I’m accepting offers.
So, some folks have asked me why I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Honestly, I don’t have a real policy-related reason for disliking her. Granted, I could try to articulate why it is that she irks me, and I could try to say that she’s condescending, irritating, smarmy. However, that’d be a waste of time. I’m against Hillary Clinton for one simple reason.
I was born in 1984. Of the 23 years that I’ve been alive, the President of the United States has been a Bush or a Clinton for 19 going on 20. If Hilldog were to be elected, that would move the figure up to 24 out of 28 years. A quarter of a century. Something is wrong with that. If you’d like to get really technical about it, there’s been a Bush or a Clinton in the White House every year of my and my friend’s lives. Let’s not forget about Vice President George Herbert Walker Bush!
I’m not even saying a like Barack Obama, but let’s kick the Clintons to the curb and get some people in office who can let people abort their fetuses, give me health insurance and handouts, feed the hungry and blast “Across the Universe” to the North Star.
An interesting article today from CNN.com regarding a teenager who apparently planned to commit suicide by hijacking a commercial airliner and crashing it into a Hannah Montana concert in Louisiana. Normally this sort of thing is what makes FOX News broadcasts pulse red with “Breaking News” and “Fox News Alerts”. I guess everyone can’t be a terrorist, especially when Walt Disney and Louisiana are involved.
Anyway, the best part of this itty-bitty article is at the bottom. Since news websites would like you to use The Internets for quicker access to relevant news items, they usually offer relevant ’subscribable’ topics at the bottom of the page. The ones offered here are sublime:
All About Hannah Montana • Suicide • Air Travel
By the way, for those of you unfamiliar with her, Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) originates from the loins of Billy Ray Cyrus whose mind numbing mega-hit “Achy Breaky Heart” and epic mullet have been making people want kill themselves violently for years…
After having decried the puritanical, repressed and awful climate of The Hub, I’d like to extol the virtues of America’s metropolis New York City. Here are a couple of things I enjoyed while on a recent sojourn to The Big Apple.
1. A store called “Shoegasm“: People, it turns out, are really into feet and foot related accessories, namely Shoes. While traipsing about some area of Manhattan trolling for a gay bar, my friends and I passed the storefront of this shoe purveyor. I think these folks should let me handle their press. Consider the following slogans:
We’ve got tight shoes for your hard feet.
Those pair of shoes have been around the block and back!
I think everyone’s walked a mile in that shoe…
If you’re going to wear that shoe, make sure you wear a sock.
Sha… Sha… Sha… Shaaaaa. SHOOOOOOOEEEEssssss!!!!
Etc.
2. Lance Bass: So, Lance decided to make an appearance at this rather unremarkable bar called “Black and White” also in Manhattan. He arrived while I was outside indulging my nicotine habit, and I instantly recognized him as being famous, but could not come up with his name. It wasn’t until he’d entered the bar that I correctly identified him as “the gay Nysnc member who wanted to take a little trip into outerspace.” I tried to nonchalantly confirm this with the bouncer, but ended up making it seem like I had a low opinion of Lance–who happens to be a good friend of the bouncer, or so he told me–when I in fact have no opinion of Lance. Oh well. My friends chatted him up a bit and remarked that he was exceptionally smiley, more smiley than any one man should be. The picture here about sums that up.
It’s about time I made things a bit more personal here on The Digital Idiocy. Tonight I’m going to be taking a sojourn to the city of dreams, a bastion of booze, that sleepy eyed self professed hub-of-the-world Boston. The trip is being made to celebrate a friend’s birthday, and that–I’m afraid–is the only reason I would consent to traveling there. Now, I used to like Boston. It has a unique character, it’s home to my favorite sports team, I’ve many friends there. Yet, I’m sick of the scene. Too many Boston University students wearing trendy outfits, clinging to subway poles and riding the Green Line up and down Comm. Ave. Too many bars that close early and host endless seas of Red Sox baseball caps and the idiots underneath them. Too Many pretentious Harvard Twits dotting the sidewalks in Harvard Square across the Charles River, discoursing and not conversing over long hyphenated subjects like “pseudo-gender-confusion-stereotypes-in-post-modern-eastern European-societies”. Too many Dunkin’ Donuts, Dunkins, Double D’s, Dunks, DD’s. Too many serpentine avenues, one way streets, construction crews and back roads to outlying suburbs (here’s looking at you South Shore). Too much Boston. To make things worse, word on the street is that yours truly will have to abide some men-hating folk who think using big words like hegemony and patriarchy punch their ticket to intellectual station. It’s possible that I’m looking at this all a bit negatively. In fact, I certainly am. But seriously: Boston, What’s Up? Now: I’d like to share a video appropriate for the occasion.
So, I have five minutes before the first pitch of the 2007 MLB World Series. What a great opportunity to fire off a few bon mots about a World Series that pits the New England’s lovable Red Sox against the Colorado Rockies. The Red Sox, as far as bean counters in Las Vegas are concerned, are the odds on favorites to take the Series. I’m inclined to agree. First of all, when did we start naming professional sports teams after mountain ranges? What if the Red Sox were not the Red Sox, but the Boston Charles Rivers? I don’t care how much David Ortiz looks like a teddy bear, no one could get behind that.
So here goes my predictions: Game 1 is won by the Red Sox. Beckett throws a one-hit complete game shutout, and Manny Ramirez commits the game’s only error when he loses a fly ball in a cloud of marijuana smoke. Game 2 is a close one. Curt Schilling, his fastball losing velocity, has to rely on all the hot hair that comes out of his mouth to blow away the Rockies hitters. Game 3, I think the Rockies will win this one. It’ll be good for them. Game 4, Beckett again. Red Sox Win. Now the question is Game 5. I think the Red Sox should throw the game, so that way they can take the series back to Fenway Park and win the Series in front of the home crowd (Having won it on the road in 2004).
For those of you who are unaware, I’m definitely a Red Sox fan. Not a Red Sox fan in the traditional New-Englander-hailing-from-a-long-line-of-suffering-Red-Sox-fans, but more the type of fan who started following the team late in highschool and has been keeping a close eye ever since. Needless to say, I’ve been following the 2007 American League Championship series with a somewhat heavy heart. However, there’s no crying in baseball–just ask Suzyn Waldman–and even if the Red Sox should fall in the two remaining must win games they have against Cleveland, I think I’ll be alright.
Enter Manny Ramirez, the BoSox’s goofy, absent minded, dreadlocked, home-run-mashing, clean up hitting left fielder. This guy, despite being the team’s obviously most gifted hitter, gives Boston fans and Sports Writers the howling fantods. On the eve of last nights 7-1 must win victory against the Cleveland Indians, Manny Ramirez had this this to offer about his team’s future:
“We’re confident every day. It doesn’t matter how things go for you. We’re not going to give up. We’re just going to go and play the game, like I’ve said, and move on. If it doesn’t happen, so who cares? There’s always next year. It’s not like the end of the world or something.”
That’s why I love Manny Ramirez. He’s like that guy from Office Space. He just doesn’t care, and it aggravates the living hell out of buffoons like Dan Shaughnessy . He’s got one thing on Mr. Office Space, though. He actually has the talent to back it up (4 HRs, 12 RBI, .440 BA in the 2007 Postseason). Manny seems to grasp the fact that sports is entertainment and that it provides at best something fun to watch socially and then jabber and trash talk about at work or with friends. As entertainment, I can think of few players in professional sports who are more interesting than good ol’ Manny. So Manny, you just keep being Manny, okay? If the Red Sox should fail in the next game or the one after that, just remember this little gem:
Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately. Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been *missing* it, Bob.
Mitt Romney has been TKO’d by everyone’s favorite ex POW John McCain after a disappointing showing on Super Pooper Tuesday. To whom will conservatives across the country turn now in their time of need? Will they turn to Mike “The Preacher Man” Huckabee or will they swallow their pride and rally behind John “The Snake-eater” McCain?
So, some folks have asked me why I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Honestly, I don’t have a real policy-related reason for disliking her. Granted, I could try to articulate why it is that she irks me, and I could try to say that she’s 
An interesting 
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2. Lance Bass: So, Lance decided to make an appearance at this rather unremarkable bar called “
It’s about time I made things a bit more personal here on The Digital Idiocy. Tonight I’m going to be taking a sojourn to the city of dreams, a bastion of booze, that sleepy eyed self professed hub-of-the-world Boston. The trip is being made to celebrate a friend’s birthday, and that–I’m afraid–is the only reason I would consent to traveling there. Now, I used to like Boston. It has a unique character, it’s home to my favorite sports team, I’ve many friends there. Yet, I’m sick of the scene. Too many Boston University students wearing trendy outfits, clinging to subway poles and riding the Green Line up and down Comm. Ave. Too many bars that close early and host endless seas of Red Sox baseball caps and the idiots underneath them. Too Many pretentious Harvard Twits dotting the sidewalks in Harvard Square across the Charles River, discoursing and not conversing over long hyphenated subjects like “pseudo-gender-confusion-stereotypes-in-post-modern-eastern European-societies”. Too many Dunkin’ Donuts, Dunkins, Double D’s, Dunks, DD’s. Too many serpentine avenues, one way streets, construction crews and back roads to outlying suburbs (here’s looking at you South Shore). Too much Boston. To make things worse, word on the street is that yours truly will have to abide some men-hating folk who think using big words like hegemony and patriarchy punch their ticket to intellectual station. It’s possible that I’m looking at this all a bit negatively. In fact, I certainly am. But seriously: Boston, What’s Up? Now: I’d like to share a video appropriate for the occasion.
So, I have five minutes before the first pitch of the 2007 MLB World Series. What a great opportunity to fire off a few bon mots about a World Series that pits the New England’s lovable Red Sox against the Colorado Rockies. The Red Sox, as far as bean counters in Las Vegas are concerned, are the odds on favorites to take the Series. I’m inclined to agree. First of all, when did we start naming professional sports teams after mountain ranges? What if the Red Sox were not the Red Sox, but the Boston Charles Rivers? I don’t care how much David Ortiz looks like a teddy bear, no one could get behind that.
For those of you who are unaware, I’m definitely a Red Sox fan. Not a Red Sox fan in the traditional New-Englander-hailing-from-a-long-line-of-suffering-Red-Sox-fans, but more the type of fan who started following the team late in highschool and has been keeping a close eye ever since. Needless to say, I’ve been following the 2007 American League Championship series with a somewhat heavy heart. However, 
