Rise Of The Idiots, Boston What Up?

It’s about time I made things a bit more personal here on The Digital Idiocy. Tonight I’m going to be taking a sojourn to the city of dreams, a bastion of booze, that sleepy eyed self professed hub-of-the-world Boston. The trip is being made to celebrate a friend’s birthday, and that–I’m afraid–is the only reason I would consent to traveling there. Now, I used to like Boston. It has a unique character, it’s home to my favorite sports team, I’ve many friends there. Yet, I’m sick of the scene. Too many Boston University students wearing trendy outfits, clinging to subway poles and riding the Green Line up and down Comm. Ave. Too many bars that close early and host endless seas of Red Sox baseball caps and the idiots underneath them. Too Many pretentious Harvard Twits dotting the sidewalks in Harvard Square across the Charles River, discoursing and not conversing over long hyphenated subjects like “pseudo-gender-confusion-stereotypes-in-post-modern-eastern European-societies”. Too many Dunkin’ Donuts, Dunkins, Double D’s, Dunks, DD’s. Too many serpentine avenues, one way streets, construction crews and back roads to outlying suburbs (here’s looking at you South Shore). Too much Boston. To make things worse, word on the street is that yours truly will have to abide some men-hating folk who think using big words like hegemony and patriarchy punch their ticket to intellectual station. It’s possible that I’m looking at this all a bit negatively. In fact, I certainly am. But seriously: Boston, What’s Up? Now: I’d like to share a video appropriate for the occasion.

Red Sox / Rockies World Series in Five Minutes

So, I have five minutes before the first pitch of the 2007 MLB World Series. What a great opportunity to fire off a few bon mots about a World Series that pits the New England’s lovable Red Sox against the Colorado Rockies. The Red Sox, as far as bean counters in Las Vegas are concerned, are the odds on favorites to take the Series. I’m inclined to agree. First of all, when did we start naming professional sports teams after mountain ranges? What if the Red Sox were not the Red Sox, but the Boston Charles Rivers? I don’t care how much David Ortiz looks like a teddy bear, no one could get behind that.

So here goes my predictions: Game 1 is won by the Red Sox. Beckett throws a one-hit complete game shutout, and Manny Ramirez commits the game’s only error when he loses a fly ball in a cloud of marijuana smoke. Game 2 is a close one. Curt Schilling, his fastball losing velocity, has to rely on all the hot hair that comes out of his mouth to blow away the Rockies hitters. Game 3, I think the Rockies will win this one. It’ll be good for them. Game 4, Beckett again. Red Sox Win. Now the question is Game 5. I think the Red Sox should throw the game, so that way they can take the series back to Fenway Park and win the Series in front of the home crowd (Having won it on the road in 2004).

My prediction: Red Sox in (5) 6

Beckett strikes out the side, the Red Sox come up with three in the bottom of the inning. Who wants to go to the victory parade next week? Bring a warm jacket. It’ll be cold near the Charles.

Manny Ramirez Is The Guy From Office Space

For those of you who are unaware, I’m definitely a Red Sox fan. Not a Red Sox fan in the traditional New-Englander-hailing-from-a-long-line-of-suffering-Red-Sox-fans, but more the type of fan who started following the team late in highschool and has been keeping a close eye ever since. Needless to say, I’ve been following the 2007 American League Championship series with a somewhat heavy heart. However, there’s no crying in baseball–just ask Suzyn Waldman–and even if the Red Sox should fall in the two remaining must win games they have against Cleveland, I think I’ll be alright.

Enter Manny Ramirez, the BoSox’s goofy, absent minded, dreadlocked, home-run-mashing, clean up hitting left fielder. This guy, despite being the team’s obviously most gifted hitter, gives Boston fans and Sports Writers the howling fantods. On the eve of last nights 7-1 must win victory against the Cleveland Indians, Manny Ramirez had this this to offer about his team’s future:

“We’re confident every day. It doesn’t matter how things go for you. We’re not going to give up. We’re just going to go and play the game, like I’ve said, and move on. If it doesn’t happen, so who cares? There’s always next year. It’s not like the end of the world or something.”

That’s why I love Manny Ramirez. He’s like that guy from Office Space. He just doesn’t care, and it aggravates the living hell out of buffoons like Dan Shaughnessy . He’s got one thing on Mr. Office Space, though. He actually has the talent to back it up (4 HRs, 12 RBI, .440 BA in the 2007 Postseason). Manny seems to grasp the fact that sports is entertainment and that it provides at best something fun to watch socially and then jabber and trash talk about at work or with friends. As entertainment, I can think of few players in professional sports who are more interesting than good ol’ Manny. So Manny, you just keep being Manny, okay? If the Red Sox should fail in the next game or the one after that, just remember this little gem:

Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been *missing* it, Bob.