All cower in fear before Al Gore’s big dumb face. Lock your daughters inside! Pull the cat in from the porch! Tell Tiny Tim to come down from the peppertree! You shall recognize his approach by his sign. He will visit you with a plague of ponderous, overwrought, self-aggrandizing movies regarding global climate change. You will feel intense and unrelenting boredom, feelings of guilt and a vague strain of skepticism. He will bludgeon you with his brand new, shiny Nobel Peace Prize. You will look up to the sky and query god, “Why? Why, oh, why?” God will try to answer, but his response will be muffled by a blanket of greenhouses gases.
Long story short: Fuck us. Al Gore’s got a Nobel Peace Prize for being a supercilious, sanctimonious twit, and I still got sucked into seeing Superbad. Yikes.
